Is your relationship suffering from a mid-winter deep freeze?
Has your passion grown colder with each passing snow storm?
Are you not hot to trot by Valentine’s day?
After multiple snowstorms, endless shoveling, ice covered cars, screaming kids out of school, missed days of work, and weeks of feeling cooped up with each other, and maybe even a good case of the flu, stress levels, irritability, and depression are challenging most of us by mid-winter. The emotional deep freeze of winter can turn even the most loving relationship into a bad case of “couple cabin fever” by Valentine’s Day. With the heat and carefree feeling of summer love a very distant memory, it can be a struggle to keep the flame of passion and intimate connection burning in the winter months.
No matter how long you have been in a relationship, months or decades, you can easily slip into disconnection and unhappiness if you neglect your intimate life, ignore each other and focus on the stressors of daily life. It is guaranteed that intimacy and closeness will die if you stop tuning in to each other. A great relationship is created by what you DO, the ongoing actions of give and take. Too often, couples become complacent, spend more time glued to their blackberries, and put more energy into connecting with face book friends than with each other.
No matter how long you have been together or what your age, You CAN beat the mid winter deep freeze, heat up your sex life, and re-create closeness.
Just in time for Valentine’s day, here is a recipe for a mid winter relationship defrost:
1. Turn on the heat
Creating more actual physical warmth between you can bring back the physical warmth, affection, and hot sex!
It takes heat to defrost iciness, so start cranking up the thermostat, literally! Add several extra down comforters, seal yourselves under the covers together, and let the sweat pour!
Or create your own private spa steam bath! Steam up your bathroom by letting a hot shower run until the room is filled with steam. Bring along a body scrub with oil, bath oil, massage oil, or hot oil treatment for hair. The result: soft skin, wonderful perfume smells, and sweaty bodies: who could resist?
2. Don’t touch a hot dish
When you are heating up and turning on, don’t touch! Hold back on the groping and find ways to touch without touching! Create an alternating rhythm of heating up and cooling off, touching and withholding touch. See how long you can let the tension build! Guaranteed to have you both begging for more!
3. Watch the pot until it boils
They say a watched pot never boils. Reverse that thought! Keep your eyes on each other and open during sex. To tune in closely to your partner and intensify the experience and emotional connection of sex in a new way, get face to face with your eyes open. Hug, kiss, and explore, – and whatever you do – don’t blink!
4. Five helpings of sugar
Commit to finding a minimum of five ways a day to show love and affection to each other. A hug and a kiss good morning, after work greetings and good night kisses and you are more than half way there! Add two more and you’ve got five! No need to go big, it’s the small things that make a difference! How about a quick message or text during the day to say “I’m thinking about you?”
5. Extra spice please
Go on a winter “spice shopping” trip – to the “grown up spice store”! New toys, props, and games can add spice to re-energize your mid winter sensuality and add an element of fun to get you through the long, cold nights!
6. Throw in some secret ingredients
Have you really shared your deepest dreams and desires with your partner? It’s a great time of year to sit in front of a fire with a warm drink and review where you have been and where you are going as a couple. It may be unfulfilled life goals, failed New Year resolutions, or sexual fantasies you have never opened up to your partner. Why not review your secret dreams and share?
7. Wrap it up
The last ingredient? Get into the best bear hug possible. Wrap yourselves up together, match the pace of your breathing to each other, and listen for each other’s heartbeat. No expectations of sex. Simply stay in the bear hug until you are totally relaxed. Hibernate from the world for awhile and just enjoy the warmth and closeness of each other.
You can fan the flames of love again, increase, the thrill and breathe new life back into a stagnant sex life in the middle of a cold harsh winter. Passion and a great sex life does not thrive and grow without consistent action and communication about how to keep it going and even improve it a little bit each time.
Reviewing “the recipe” from time to time can bring back the warmth, closeness, and passion between you. There is no one recipe that is right for every couple. Create your own unique version and see what new things you can discover in each other.
Start with heat, sugar, spice, and some secret ingredients. Remember to watch the pot till it boils, but don’t touch when hot! And don’t forget to wrap it up. That recipe should keep you going ‘till the birds start chirping!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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