What’s the new marriage saver? Spending less time together can inspire a hotter, happier union.
Does your partner feel more like a roommate you share bills and children with than a lover and companion? Over the years, it’s easy to let things cool down between the two of you without even knowing it. But while monogamy isn’t always full of fireworks, you can resist losing the spark entirely.
The easiest way to fuel the charge between you and your partner is to spend less time together. That’s right! Couples who spend every minute of the day together and only pursue interests that involve both of them often end up more like brother and sister than soul mates. Time apart will put the excitement back into the moments when you’re together. You’ll grow as individuals and be able to catch up on each other’s details as a couple. Being in a healthy, trusting relationship means feeling comfortable letting your partner leave your side.
Though it may seem difficult for stressed, exhausted parents, you should try to cut down on the number of mundane tasks you do together. Both of you do not need to empty the dishwasher or go shopping for diapers. Try to limit your bathroom time together, especially when getting ready. And close the door when using the bathroom! Putting some privacy back in life’s most basic functions will help.
If you are looking for other ways to add spice to your connection, consider the following:
Plan an adults-only weekend with no kids allowed. Go to a local hotel and check out your city on a staycation, or take a drive to a nearby town and explore a new environment as a couple. Being away from your home and your routine will inspire you to connect with your partner on a new level, along with helping you to ‘unplug’ from your roles as employee, parent, etc. Make sure to reconnect like this every few months. You don’t have to break the bank—check out travel deals online or keep your trip to only one or two nights.
Enjoy erotica. Whether you want to read a romantic novel in the bath before bed or check out a sexy video together as a couple, erotica offers something everyone. You can also enjoy the added boost of sex aids such as vibrators and lubrication, all of which can help to make sex more pleasurable and rewarding.
Up your grooming routine. Nothing encourages confidence and renewed libido like feeling sexy in your own skin. Hit the gym on a regular basis and make room for ‘me’ time at the salon. It might seem selfish, but the truth is that you have to spend time on yourself in order to be present and at your best in your relationship.
Introduce the personal relationship values. Discuss these values as goals to strive for in your relationship. Reminiscing here can be useful. If you can reconnect with memories of the times of good friendship, it can create positive momentum. As you progress through the Personal Relationship Values, find as many specific examples as possible. If you or your partner feel drained, take a break. It may take hours, days, or several weeks to ultimately get through all of these steps.
Clarify your partner’s needs. Be honest but diplomatic in communicating what you think are your partner’s needs. Remember to characterize them in an uncritical way. Explain to your partner that the needs you’ve discerned are merely a starting place for further discussions. Allow your partner to disagree and replace your interpretation of a need with one of his/her own. Stay patient. Don’t forget that because you’ve been doing most of the work, you are probably way ahead of your partner in evolution of your thinking about your relationship.
Finally, make a concerted effort to find fun new activities for the two of you. Getting back your erotic edge is easier than you think, if you’re willing to make a few changes.