Watch out for these nine bedroom mood killers that can make having an orgasm hard, or even impossible.
Good sex is as much about what’s going on between the ears as it is about what’s going on below the waist. To have orgasms, you have to have an erotic focus. That’s why some behaviors and attitudes can make reaching orgasm harder, if not impossible — especially for women, who are more easily distracted than men.
Here are ways to avoid nine situations that can commonly kill the female or the male orgasm.
Condoms are not a deterrent to the male orgasm, but many men resist them even when there’s a need to practice safe sex. There can be a problem with having an orgasm if the condom doesn’t fit properly. A too snug condom can cause pain and can interfere with his having an orgasm. Condoms also can negatively affect penile sensitivity if they are too thick. Putting a dab of a water-based lubricant inside the condom can potentially enhance sensitivity and ensure orgasms that are satisfying.
Good smells can turn you on. Likewise, bad smells can turn you or your partner off and make it impossible to have orgasms. Odors go right to the emotional center of the brain. So body odor or other unpleasant odors such as flatulence can be like a brick wall in the way of having an orgasm, because they don’t allow you to get in the proper mood. Women are more sensitive to smells than men. If you have to hold your nose, how can you feel good or close to your partner?
Get Wet! Lack of Lubrication
Lack of lubrication can make sex painful for women, and this can inhibit having an orgasm. Many women develop vaginal dryness as they age and their hormone levels drop. But this doesn’t mean you can’t have great female orgasms. Use lubricants to make sex more pleasurable. Just don’t overdo it. You want to be moist, but not too moist or else there won’t be enough friction between your genitals and those of your partner’s.
Talking Is a Distraction
Some people find that talking dirty during sex is erotic and that it turns them on. But constant chatter can be distracting and turn into a turn-off. To your partner, it makes it seem as though your mind is elsewhere. Also, if you say something stupid or corny during lovemaking, it can totally break the mood and make having an orgasm more difficult. Be silent and let your actions speak for you.
That Hurts! Chronic Pain
People who live with persistent and debilitating pain — and more than 75 million Americans do, according to the National Pain Foundation — often have a lower sex drive. It’s hard to feel the pleasures of the body when your body hurts all the time, which is doubly-disappointing because having an orgasm can bring some pain relief. If pain is affecting your sex drive and your ability to have orgasms, talk to your doctor. Your doctor may suggest ways to better manage your pain, even during intimacy.
Don’t Get Down! Feeling Bad About Yourself
If you feel good about your body, it can help your sexual response. Likewise, if you feel bad about yourself and your body, it’s harder to enjoy sex and have orgasms. Your head gets in the way. Try to get in better shape. Exercise not only helps you get in touch with your body and lose weight, but also improves blood flow. If you have more blood flow to your genitals, both male orgasms and female orgasms will be more pleasurable.
Pay Attention! You Need to Concentrate
One way for a woman to kill any chance of having an orgasm is to not be “present and in the moment.” If you want sex to be pleasurable, you have to eliminate distractions and concentrate on what you’re doing. The female orgasm is harder to achieve than the male orgasm. Women generally have more trouble concentrating during sex. This has to do with the way their brains are wired. Women typically need to work a little harder on focusing.
Slow Down! You’re Going Too Fast
Female orgasms and male orgasms are different. Many times, a woman won’t have an orgasm because her partner moves too fast. Women often need their partners to keep the same pace — not too fast and not too slow. Communication is the key to having an orgasm, and partners need to tell each other what tempo feels best.
Stay Out! Lack of Privacy
Some women and men will hold back and won’t have orgasms if they’re afraid they will be interrupted. If you’re not home alone, be sure to lock your bedroom door. That way no one can come in. You have to feel comfortable and safe to be able to have an orgasm and that can’t happen if you’re distracted and constantly looking over your shoulder to check the door.