Keep your penis in good shape with these easy steps.
Fall asleep immediately after the last thrust
This may not sound like advice you need to hear – you’ve been doing it for years, right? – but it’ll give you something to say to her when she complains about it. Your penis needs as much shut-eye as it can get.
Every night while you’re sleeping like a baby, your tackle is wide awake – you have between three and five hour-long erections. Those erections are not there just to make life interesting for your bedmate (although be assured she’s aware of them), they work to recharge your penis – keeping it well-nourished with oxygenated blood. “Theoretically, the more nocturnal erections you have, the more flexible your erectile tissue will become. And that may help keep erections strong as the years wear on.
Put it out
Come on, get a grip on your cigarette addiction before gripping your penis becomes a pointless exercise – because it’s incapable of getting hard. Smoking is a known cause of impotence and there’s some evidence that smoking affects erection size.
In one study, researchers found that smokers’ penises are significantly smaller than non-smokers’. In addition to damaging blood vessels, smoking may cause damage to penile tissue itself, making it less elastic and preventing it from stretching.
Stop ramming your penis into hard objects
And that includes her pelvic bone. Just one vigorously misplaced thrust is all it takes to rupture the corposa cavernosa, the elongated “erectile chambers” that run the length of your penis. A complete rupture will require surgery within 24 hours to stanch internal bleeding and reduce the risk of permanent damage. A partial tear isn’t as serious, but it may cause problems later on. As the linings of the corposa heal over with scar tissue, they lose their elasticity – leading to curvature, pain, and eventually impotence.
By some estimates, more than a third of impotent men have a history of “penile trauma”. To protect yourself, be careful when she’s on top. That’s the position most likely to cause damage.
It is important to maintain personal hygiene, but too much washing with soap and detergents can make you sore.
There is a great temptation to use talc and deodorants, but these are best avoided because talc will get under the foreskin where it may cause irritation.
You should wash your penis gently and retract the foreskin regularly (such as when you have a bath or shower).
Walk it off
Whether it’s a big Sunday lunch, a hangover or a bad mood, start walking. In one study, researchers found that men who walked just two miles a day had half the rate of erection problems of more sedentary men. Twenty minutes of jogging or 30 minutes of weight training will work, too.
Kiss your mistress goodbye
It’s common for men who start having affairs to stop having erections – so common, in fact, that doctors who treat erectile dysfunction often ask their patients if they’re getting any action on the side. This is largely down to guilt at having the affair. Guilt can turn to anxiety, and that can kill an erection.
It may not seem like it to you, but as far as your body’s concerned, yawning and getting an erection are practically the same thing. In fact, when you yawn you’ve probably just narrowly missed getting an erection.
Both responses are controlled by a chemical called nitric oxide. Released in the brain, it can either travel to the neurons that control mouth opening and breathing, or go down the spinal cord to the blood vessels that feed the penis. Sometimes it does both (that’s why a big yawn can cause a tremor down under). Allowing yourself to yawn now and then throughout the day may help prime the neurochemical pathways that lead to good, sturdy erections.
Lose your fat gut
Keeping on top of blood sugar levels won’t just keep you healthy: besides the monastery, having diabetes is the quickest route to a lifetime of celibacy. In fact, more than 50% of all men with diabetes are impotent. The disease hits the penis with a double whammy. It accelerates the process of arterial disease, and it slows the transmission of stimuli along nerves throughout your body. And, let’s face it, a numb penis is not a happy penis.